Guest Blogger: Relationships by BalanceJ

There’s nothing like spending quality time with your kids. Today I spent time with my two beautiful daughters; we took a nice bike ride around the neighborhood and played catch in the front yard and it didn’t cost me a dime. As a neighbor was driving by, he stopped to reminisce when his father played catch with him. Here’s a middle age male talking about how those were some of his best memories with his father.


As parents, we think it takes extravagant trips or buying nice things to woe our kids; however there’s nothing further from the truth. There’s nothing better than the simple moments; they are usually free and the one’s kids remember most.

It saddens me to know that there are kids out there who don’t have a father and/or mother playing their part because of whatever excuse they use. Kids are truly the future; they come into the world as a blank sheet of paper waiting to be filled with nothing but positive encouragement. All it takes is time. If you don’t fill that void, someone else will be it positive or negative.

I love my two daughters to death and couldn’t imagine living without them. So the next time you check your wallet or purse and don’t find anything in it, just remember that all kids really want is your time and attention.

I challenge you to spend at least an hour a day with your child doing simple activities for one week; activities such as board games, playing catch, going for a walk, or riding a bike are just a few simple ideas. Let me know the outcome. Don’t be surprised 10 years from now your kid talks about those moments.



***BalanceJ is a guest blogger whose blog is geared toward helping others balance their life from spiritual through mental health.  He is a married father of two, who seeks to better the lives of others, one person at a time.  Check out his blog (click on his name) and let him know what you think and where you heard about him.

Kindness

Me and a friend was chatting about how suspicious we are of everyone (seems this way anyway). He had a project to do, which was to give away $50 to a person that needed it and to his dismay; he could not give it away! People flat out refused it, walked away or wanted to know what the arterial motive was for the gift. To me this was both baffling and understandable. Baffling, because in this economic battle that is upon us to stay afloat; you still can’t give money away. Understandable, because you don’t know who to trust or who will expect something in return for their kindness.

Are we under an illusion that the world still has some good in it?

Have we seen so much bad that we tend to expect the worst from everyone that we meet?

As a society, are we that disheartened that we think the worst in people without even knowing them or what they are about? It seems that way! I initiated a conversation with another friend who was in the military about this topic. He stated that since 9-11 he has become apprehensive of any and everyone that were not family members. I told him that I have become that way of everyone since I became a parent and the child abduction rates have sky rocketed. As an adult I can remember a simpler time when Halloween was a time to look forward to, not a time to analyze candy or decide to give a party instead of going door to door. A simpler time, when someone came up to you and gave you a quarter, you said “thank you” and went to the ice cream truck. Now we teach our children that you never take money or anything from strangers.

Is kindness a dying art form in our communities today or do we have to look deep for the great community that we envision? The lessons that I teach my daughter are in direct conflict with how our society is. I teach the biblical lessons of being kind to someone even though they may not be kind to you. As a seven year old this is very hard for her, because she expects everyone to be kind and if they are not she wants to treat them the same way they treat her (work in progress). I also teach her to see the good in a person even when they only show her the bad (I am working on this one as well, I tend to just shy away from dealing with that person at all, too much stress. Ironically, she does the same thing). I also tell her that you should not expect the worst (Even though most people expect the worst and is shocked by the best).

Having these conversations with these two individuals have started me to think about the foundation that I am building with my daughter and the vision that she will have toward life. Am I setting her up for a hard fall or am I giving her a positive outlook for a gloomy future filled with not so kind people?

Don’t get me wrong, I teach her to have survival instinct as well such as don’t talk to strangers, everyone is not your friend, be a leader not a follower, fight for yourself; do not let anyone bully you in to anything, be yourself ;an original, and most importantly, love yourself that way you won’t fall for anything! But I want her to also have a POSITIVE outlook on life instead of being one of those people who are always NEGATIVE about everything and everybody (we all know someone like this)!

Am I asking for too much? This is my Friday rant on KINDNESS!

Manners: Where are they?

Today, I took a figurative look through my daughter’s eyes at the people who we encounter every day. I have worked hard to instill manners, values and an unbreakable foundation in my daughter. But looking around today I see so many individuals, old and young alike, who are lacking the basic fundamentals of life. The main one that I am referring to is courtesy! As I walked down the corridors, I did what I am accustom to doing; I looked each person in the eye, and either nodding my head and gave a gracious smile (if they were talking but made eye contact with me) or I said hello. Out of the maybe 20 people (estimate) I passed only 7 bothered to give a gesture in return!

This is sad! Looking back I use to get so upset when my daughter was younger. She would speak to individuals and some would ignore her. I can remember thinking to myself "what kind of person does not speak to a child". But as time has went on my daughter continues to speak even without a response, even though I can tell that it bothers her sometimes when the greeting is not delivered in return.

Once again, my daughter has taught me to continue speaking. But how ironic I just begin to take note of how people now are so distant, even when a greeting is sent their way. It makes me wonder, am I teaching my daughter an OLD rule that needs to be modified based on today's society?

After My Own Heart

Starring off into the half dusk sky, my daughter had that faint glimmer of deep thought in her eyes and her face displayed a traveling ease of far away contemplations; which lead me to envision myself as a child as if my car was a two way mirror from the past to the present. I felt that something was on her mind and when asked, she gave subtle, non-evasive replies “Nothing is on my mind”, “I am just quiet, mommy”, and my favorite: silence!


Ten minutes after I gave up the attempt to journey into her mind, a faint voice entered my thoughts by saying “Mommy, I do not want you to pass away”, “What would I do without you”. I was surprised by her expression and was immediately jolted into stating to her that “She will be okay, God will be here to help her through difficult times”. Her response to me was classic; “I am too little to be without you”. With a smile on my face and a nod of my head I said “God willing I will live to see you graduate from school, start your own family and surpass what I have achieved in life”.

This conversation began while we watched the Loretta Claiborne story. When the actress began to cry because her mom died, I automatically turned my attention to my daughter to view what her reaction was to this moment. Her face had become sadden as she took it all in. Once she realized that I was watching her, she turned and asked “Why is she sad, mommy.” I said to her that the lady is sad because her mom passed away. At this particular instance, I could tell by the look she had that this would come back up soon.

And so it did!

But reminiscing about my childhood brings back these same memories that I use to have as a youth. I did not want to pass away early and miss out on my family. I use to think of death and stare off into the sky and think of the future and it would bring me to tears thinking of the what-if’s. How ironic we as adults think that our children are so different from us, when in essence they are miniature replicas of ourselves waiting to blossom into their unique selves.

After the conversation was over and she settled back into her set as we continued on our way home, I could not help but to think “LIKE MOTHER, LIKE DAUGHTER!”

Teaching Me About Pain

Yesterday’s Sunday school lesson was about Jesus’ crucifixion and how we enjoy the life that we have because he died for our sins. Pain was also discussed as a vivid occurrence by saying that we all endure some type of pain before we experience joy!

This statement started me to reflect upon the birth of my daughter. I went through a natural delivery, impacted by back labor which caused me to feel as if my back was breaking into many pieces. But at the exact moment my daughter was able to open her eyes and grace upon the light of my room that pain became a distant memory. Joy filled my soul! As I look back on the pain that I thought would be etched in my brain with the association of child birth, it was replaced at that exact moment with unbridled bliss!

With the topic of pain, I take a page out of my 6 year olds book and aspire to obtain a portion of her resilience and loving nature and tailor it to myself. I look at the times when my daughter has been her sickest and she always mustard up enough energy to say “mommy are you okay” or “I Love You, mommy” or just walk into the next room to be under me. For me, children have a natural disregard for themselves when it comes to the bond that they have with their parents. They posses a desire to overlook their pain to make sure that we are experiencing joy and not pain.

As my daughter gets older, I see the life lessons that God has laid before me to bestow upon her. But I am also learning through her some lessons of my own that I have forgotten as time went on.

We never stop learning, until we die! Take time out one day and observe your children; they may have a lesson for you.

Deepest Fear!

As a single working mother, my deepest fears are that I am not devoting enough time to my child. Also, I worry that if something happens to me what would happen to her; will she have a solid foundation to survive and succeed without me?Reading the poem below and remembering a situation that happened with my daughter jolted me into action to stop fearing the unknown and try!

Back in August I begin writing a children’s book with a companion book for parents. This book was about how I came to an early realization that my daughter was more aware and in tuned with me and her surrounding then I thought she was for a 5 year old. I hope that this book will help other parents to speak with their children about things more often! It is a learning process after all.


OUR DEEPEST FEARS by Marianne Williamson

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.Our deepest fear in that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?Actually, who are you not to be?You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the World.There is nothing enlightening about shrinkingso that other people won’t feel unsure around you.We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.As we let our own Light shine,we consciously give other people permission to do the same.As we are liberated from our own fear,our presence automatically liberates others."