We are Surviving!

You creep into my life like a tornado in the night; but I waited in the shadows for you to show yourself.  The battle that I prepared myself for, turned out to be a war I almost gave up on.  You not only struck me, but my family as well.  As a single mother, we strive to continue on not matter what!  However, when you feel like you have no other choice but to give up and prepare your child for life without you, it makes you take stock of your life or lack there of.  No one knew what to make of you, I was told:  "It's just a migraine", "You can't be feeling this tired all the time", "Maybe you need more vitamins and exercise".  You name it, I think I heard it.  Surprisingly, after suffering for almost a year, an emergency doctor found my enlarged heart (which I did not have previously) and referred me to a cardiologist who cared (Dr. Jorge Castriz, I will forever thank him for caring enough to listen and look deeper).  Through testing he found YOU; Graves Disease!

http://www.inktastic.com/Find/Graves+Disease+Awareness

Finally, a name and with this I could begin to fight.  The first thing I realized was that it the roles in my household were reversed.  My daughter had become a worrier.  She checked on me while I slept to make sure I was breathing and okay.  I didn't have the heart to tell her that I needed all the sleep I could get, because my anxiety level was off the charts at night?  What she knew was that she did not want to loose her mother and she was going to do here part at trying to keep me well.....My hat, appreciation and love will always go out to my baby.  She fights with me.  It has been 6 years since I was properly diagnosed and at twelve she shows no signs of letting go of her overprotectiveness. She still asks about my doctors appointments, tests results and often reminds me of my medication.  The best thing about this is that it shows me how much of a support system I have in her.  The downside is that I feel as a parent, I should always be her support system not the other way around.  Graves has shown me a different side to illnesses.  We always say that the person is going through an illnesses, but truly the FAMILY goes through an illness.  For me FAMILY means my DAUGHTER, she walks the walks with me day in and day out.

This post is not just about Graves Disease Awareness, but about what I learned about my daughter through this disease.  She is very resilient when dealing with me and all my faults.  She has a great thirst for life that is quenched through the positive individuals she encounters.  My daughter has an inner light that never dims, no matter what obstacles she face.  Her greater instinct to help and mother others in need, outweighs her common sense sometimes (discernment is what we are learning to use in these instances).  My daughter is my hero!

Barrel of Water #2

Often, I find myself being a BARREL OF WATER when it comes to my daughter and the special events that take place in her life. One such event was her "Thanksgiving Feast Celebration Program", which took place at Urban Youth Impact, the afterschool center that she attends. The idea (what I took away from it) of this program was for the children to act/learn what a servant of GOD is supposed to facilitate: GIVING. The giving part was acted out by the children serving all the parents of their grade level dinner. It also was for the children to show their humble appreciation to their parents. The appreciation was shown by a series of mini speeches given by the children prompted by a question from their mentor, “Why are you thankful for your parents?”


As to be expected tears begin to form in my eyes as my daughter’s turn to speak approaches. Partly because she was being shy, because of all the extra unknown people in the audience that she did not know.

The question was asked “Why are you thankful for your parents” and my daughter placed her hands up to her eyes and made a slit in one of them so that she could eye me while speaking, and said “Because she loves me”. In that instant, the tears just flowed with ease. I was so proud of her and it touched my heart greatly that she remembered without a shadow of a doubt that MOMMY LOVES HER INFINITY! But I had to remember that we were around her friends and that she is getting older; so I quickly cleared traces of the tears from my chicks and eyes, mouthed to her that she did an excellent job and that I was so proud of her.

I could not help but yell inside a resounding: YES, SHE GETS IT! Finally, a verbal confirmation that I am raising a child who is socially and ethically aware of others. GOD is GOOD!

MOMMY loves you infinity, Makenly!  Thank you for being my cover through the storms!