Tuesday, March 2, 2010

After My Own Heart

Starring off into the half dusk sky, my daughter had that faint glimmer of deep thought in her eyes and her face displayed a traveling ease of far away contemplations; which lead me to envision myself as a child as if my car was a two way mirror from the past to the present. I felt that something was on her mind and when asked, she gave subtle, non-evasive replies “Nothing is on my mind”, “I am just quiet, mommy”, and my favorite: silence!

Ten minutes after I gave up the attempt to journey into her mind, a faint voice entered my thoughts by saying “Mommy, I do not want you to pass away”, “What would I do without you”. I was surprised by her expression and was immediately jolted into stating to her that “She will be okay, God will be here to help her through difficult times”. Her response to me was classic; “I am too little to be without you”. With a smile on my face and a nod of my head I said “God willing I will live to see you graduate from school, start your own family and surpass what I have achieved in life”.

This conversation began while we watched the Loretta Claiborne story. When the actress began to cry because her mom died, I automatically turned my attention to my daughter to view what her reaction was to this moment. Her face had become sadden as she took it all in. Once she realized that I was watching her, she turned and asked “Why is she sad, mommy.” I said to her that the lady is sad because her mom passed away. At this particular instance, I could tell by the look she had that this would come back up soon.

And so it did!

But reminiscing about my childhood brings back these same memories that I use to have as a youth. I did not want to pass away early and miss out on my family. I use to think of death and stare off into the sky and think of the future and it would bring me to tears thinking of the what-if’s. How ironic we as adults think that our children are so different from us, when in essence they are miniature replicas of ourselves waiting to blossom into their unique selves.

After the conversation was over and she settled back into her set as we continued on our way home, I could not help but to thinkLIKE MOTHER, LIKE DAUGHTER!


G-Zell said...

Awww my eyes got all tiery eyed.. what a beautiful post.

Susan said...

I am deeply touched by your heartfelt thoughts and feelings-good and bad, happy or sad-just real honest truth. Keep up the good mommy work!